My journey to Fu Jow Pai is one from darkness to light. Not in the sense of some grand enlightenment of the world but in the way of emerging from a cocoon; of coming into being, of coming into myself and knowing who I am and how to express myself. This transformation was made evident to me when a friend of mine and a fellow student of Kung Fu, said that he could see “Alex” in my Kung Fu forms. When I was nine years old, I began to experience physical abuse, both in the home and at school. Over the past few years I have concluded my relationship with what happened in the home and have forgiven all involved. School was another matter. I am of Hispanic descent. I grew up in Queens, New York, a highly diverse community where many different languages are spoken. My family decided to move to Westchester when I was eight, for a “better life outside of the city”. Sadly, we were the only Hispanic people in the entire area, so most people didn’t know what to make of us. Middle school for me was less forgiving. From the outset, I encountered hostility, and as the months and years went by, the hostility turned into regular instances of physical assault. By the second year of middle school, I was in a fight almost every month. At age 11, I had one friend who was Jewish and he was abused almost as much as I was. I wasn’t safe at school or at home. I had an over riding sense of fear that was all pervasive and ruled my every thought. I began to retreat into a cocoon within my own mind. Daydreaming was my only outlet and the only place where I felt safe. To the rest of the world I was introverted and withdrawn, which only fueled the ire of my classmates. The more I withdrew, the more I was separate. The more I was separate, the more I was viewed with suspicion and hatred. Kids at that age have a hard time accepting those who are different and I was as different as they came. I was completely cut off from them and the world at large. In my mind, I created fantasy worlds of heroes and villains, of adventure and far off places, places as far from Armonk, New York as possible. Fear was my only connection to the real world and it had me in its maw. The walls of my cocoon were closing in, and slowly I began to fade away. One day my parents were called into school because an attack had left me covered in my own blood. They were beside themselves with worry. My Mom had just given birth to my brother and then to my sister, but her first-born was completely alone in hell. My parents tried talking to the school but they were at best ambivalent to the situation. So my parents found a local Martial Arts school and enrolled me in it right away. I was cautious at first but like most kids growing up in the 70’s, I was reminded of my favorite TV show “Kung Fu”. I used to watch “Kung Fu” religiously with my Mexican grandmother, a former-dancer who had both known and worked with Keye Luke and other cast members during the golden age of Hollywood. Saturday mornings were saved for “Kung Fu Theater” where they would show dubbed versions of the Shaw Bros. films like “The Flying Guillotines” and “The 36 Chambers of Shaolin”. The stage was set and I entered my first Tae Kwon Do class. It was challenging at first, but I enjoyed it. And then something started to happen. I began to gain confidence and that perpetual sense of fear that haunted me, slowly faded away. It was only a matter of time before my newly discovered sense of self would be put to the test. One day at recess, an older kid who looked for any reason to take offense at my being, began throwing punches. And for the first time I retaliated with a back kick to the kid’s belly. A teacher saw this and dragged me by my ear into her office. For some strange reason I wasn’t scared or upset at being scolded by her. I stood up for myself and to my surprise she didn’t punish me. In fact she didn’t say a word about it. For whatever reason, she did feel the need to poke fun at my use of Karate, but I didn’t care. The only thing I could feel was immense pride. I stood up for myself for the first time. Martial Arts had given me the push that I needed to change an abusive pattern in my life. From then on, things were going to be different. And then a week later I found out that my Tae Kwon Do teacher had to close the school and move away. My first response was to retreat into my cocoon but this time I noticed the walls were a lot thinner. From there I took up fencing and in college, I studied Judo and Shotokan Karate. For the next decade I drifted from school to school, but I knew one thing for sure, I wanted to study Kung Fu. In the early 90’s, I looked into a couple of schools but they just didn’t seem right. Then finally I found the perfect match, and ironically it was located down the street from the very house I grew up in during those trying years. “Kwan’s Kung Fu” read the sign. “We teach Fu-Jow Pai” was written beneath it. As soon as I stepped through the door, I knew it was the perfect fit. The waiting room resembled someone’s living room. There were a couple of couches and a TV in the corner. An Asian man in his 40’s sat behind the front desk, he was reserved with a quiet dignity. When I spoke to him, he barely looked at me but he did not seem disinterested. A couple of young boys, obviously his sons, played raucously in the background. He said that I could take a free class, which I did and within fifteen minutes I knew I was home. I was still fearful and felt grossly out of step with the rest of the students, but in my heart I knew that I had found a place and a teacher that could show me the way out of my personal prison. The work was mine to do but Sifu Shue Yiu Kwan would be my guide. For the first four years of my training I was there everyday. I practiced as hard as I could and learned so much, not only from Sifu but from my Si Hings and Si Jays, big brothers and sisters in the school. For over a decade now I’ve studied Fu Jow Pai under Master Shue Yiu Kwan and I’ve also had the rare privilege to be able to take classes from Grandmaster Si Gung Wai Hong. Tagging along with my teacher Sifu Kwan, we meet Si Gung in a Chinatown park along with several other generations of Fu Jow Pai practitioners. After several hours of going through the forms, Si Gung would then hold court and discourse on almost any subject possible, from politics to anthropology, from world history to food and the old days of Fu Jow Pai. During these sessions in the park, Si Gung Wai Hong reveals his acute sense of humor, his urbane approach to living and his deep dedication to the art of Kung Fu. These are moments that I’ll treasure forever and have been some of the best learning experiences of my life. Bruce Lee's epitaph reads “your inspiration continues to guide us toward our personal liberation” This is true of all good and effective teachers as they guide us through the doors beyond our self-imposed limitations. Sifu Kwan and Si Gung Wai Hong have done no less. They have shown me not only how to be a great martial artist and teacher, but through their guidance and example, they’ve both taught me how to be a fully expressed human being, and most importantly, how to be free. In 2001 I became an instructor at Kwan’s Kung Fu and recently Sifu Kwan has granted me the privilege to take on students of my own, so I treat this right as a sacred trust. He trusts me to pass on the knowledge he has given me. No two students are alike; therefore my methods of teaching vary in response to each individual. I am of service to my students and I have learned as much from them, as I hope they have learned from me. In that way, teaching Kung Fu has been a rewarding experience. One of the most rewarding experiences I’ve had as a teacher, are the various instances when I had the privilege to teach Kung Fu to emotionally disturbed children, as well as those with Down’s syndrome and children with autism. From learning Fu Jow Pai they were able to improve their motor-skills and concentration as well as gain confidence. Their parents were elated to see their children participate in Martial Arts, something they previously wouldn’t have dreamed. Every time I see a child’s inner light turn upon mastering something new, I know they have taken another step down their own path towards personal freedom. I can see them slowly come alive, as I guide them out of their cocoons and this only helps to put distance between me and my own. I feel grateful and fortunate to be able to touch the lives of others through the martial arts. My teacher, Sifu Kwan and Si Gung Wai Hong both continue to be a source of strength and inspiration in my life and the greatest honor I could give to them, is to inspire others towards their own personal liberation. I could live a thousand lifetimes and would never be able to repay what they have given me: a life, a purpose for being, liberation from the cocoon of my past, and the way back to myself. “He who conquers men has force; He who conquers himself is truly strong.” - Lao Tzu Copyright © 2007 Alex Lamas, all rights reserved.

Before you engage in combat, be it for sport or in a real situation of self-defense, you must be mindful of your mental state. Fear will always be present, but courage is having fear and acting anyway. Fearlessness doesn’t truly exist, for all of us have that feeling of fear deep down inside. It’s part of being human. Some of us may feel fear on the surface while others may have it only in the subconscious. Fear will be there, but we have the power to decide if that fear will control us. The “flight or fight response” is part of our genetic code, but a disciplined mind has the power to decide. If one makes the decision to fight, the individual should be mindful of what I call My Three C’s of Fighting: • Calm • Cool • Committed Calm. Be relaxed, be uncluttered in your mind and unclouded by fear or worry. Anger is deadly—it may give you a rush of adrenalin, but it will also cause you to make mistakes in judgment. If your opponent is calm, he will have the edge of a clear mind and will be able to use your anger against you. Cool. People who are cool are ready—ready for anything. They’re relaxed, but they are also in a state of readiness and easily adaptable to any situation. Bruce Lee once said, “Do not be tense, just be ready, not thinking but not dreaming, not being set but being flexible. It is being ‘wholly’ and quietly alive, aware and alert, ready for whatever may come.” Committed. Often a fight, game, or tournament is decided beforehand by the one who is the most committed. If your opponent can see the level of commitment in your eyes, he or she will most often stand down and choose to walk away. Most people really don’t want to fight, and neither should you. However, if one must make the choice to fight, then it must be a commitment; it can mean life or death. If a person is committed, then most likely the individual will be the one who walks away. Martial combat is a complex human endeavor, and no one way is the right way and many factors will always be in play. The important thing to remember is that if you are aware of your surroundings, then most likely you can avoid any dangerous situation. I avoided several threatening encounters recently, merely because I was aware of where I was and who was around me. When the would-be assailants realized that I was ready for them, they were the ones to walk away. Most people who are mean enough to cause a person harm will do so only if they can hit the target without the individual knowing what hit them. No one wants confrontation, be they a mugger or an honest person. Only by being ready and aware can one be relatively safe. There are no guarantees, but awareness is more powerful than cautiousness. One stems from wisdom, the other is rooted in fear. Copyright © 2007 Alex Lamas, all rights reserved.

While watching a friend participate in a Kung Fu lesson, I heard the instructor tell my friend that he rarely teaches the particular style they were studying. Instead, he switched to a military self-defense system that is used by elite European commandos. He said that most traditional Asian Kung Fu systems are stuck in the 19th century and that the techniques don't have much practicality for today's urban environments. The Kung Fu forms as well, keep people limited within the structure of the forms and inhibit free form street fighting. This is why Bruce Lee created Jeet Kune Do. He's right. Systems like Shaolin Long Fist, Praying Mantis, Hung Gar and Wushu don't have much to do with getting attacked on a subway or at an ATM. Few techniques teach how to defend yourself while sitting at a lunch counter or getting stabbed in the back in an elevator. What he didn't take into account was the fact that fighting opponents on the street is not the only reason why one studies Kung Fu. Before I address this, let me say that I don't entirely agree with my fellow instructor. Almost all martial art styles offer good and practical self-defense techniques. My style of Kung Fu: Fu Jow Pai has a proven history on the insane streets of New York City during the turbulent 1970's and 80's, and a friend of mine who studies a northern style of Kung Fu successfully defended himself in a subway. What the master who teaches commando tactics didn't mention, was that for many people who study Kung Fu, the only true opponent is the one within ourselves. You may be able to fight and defeat everyone who crosses your path but until you learn to conquer yourself, your mastery will be limited and you will never be better than you are at that moment. The point of Kung Fu, the reason why it was invented (weather you believe that it was Bodhidharma, who brought it from India to the monks of the Shaolin forest or not) is to better oneself. To be better today in all aspects of being than you were yesterday, that is the point of Kung Fu. If we don't constantly try and improve ourselves, and progress to a higher state of being, we'll become stagnant and officially begin the process of dying. The Shaolin monks easily accepted the challenge of Kung Fu because of this principle of self-improvement. It was central to the core of their beliefs as Buddhists. Self-expression is another reason to practice Kung Fu. Like all movement arts such as dance, Yoga, etc. martial arts can be used as a moving meditation to discover ones inner being and in the process express oneself authentically. Honest self-expression can be as essential to living as breathing. The word Kung Fu literally means an acquired skill, not martial arts (martial arts literally translates into Wushu). So any hobby or skill can be a kung fu, such as cooking, car repair or pottery, and in that skill one can find a form of self-expression, if done so with passion. In classic Kung Fu terms we use the forms as our access to self-expression. It may be true that in practicing forms one could inhibit formlessness. But to prevent this, I offer that we learn forms to forget them. Put simply; know the rules so you can break them. If we practice our forms over and over again, we will know them so well that they will become a part of us. We internalize the form to the point that when we need a certain technique, it's there without having to think about using it. It comes out as a natural expression of our being, with intent and without thought. This is the Taoist notion of formlessness and what Bruce Lee meant when he said "be like water my friend". Although he was talking about Jazz, Charlie Parker offered one of the best kung fu lessons when he said, "First master your instrument, then just play". That is Kung Fu. I believe that ignoring forms in favor of individual technique is not necessarily better, both are equally important. To learn a form so well that you can express it with feeling and without thinking is the highest form of knowing. I won a forms tournament because when I was performing, I lost myself (the "I") and became the form. I was inside the form and it was using me. This may sound fantastic or esoteric but if you have practiced anything to a great extent you'll know what I mean. Years ago in the old Fu Jow Pai school the students never sparred. My Si Boks and Si Suks (elder uncles and younger uncles) only practiced their forms, sometimes they would do one form almost a thousand times. In those days they would have underground full contact tournaments with any and all challengers. Without question the Fu Jow Pai students would almost always win. Martial arts is an expression of the self rather than something you have learned. It is that type of knowing that is the domain of the master of the art. This is also why the martial arts are an art. Art is an expression of the soul of the artist; this is the same for all artists whether they be a painter, musician, dancer or a master of a martial art. Art is done with intension and the art is the form of that intension. The forms themselves are meaningless, they are just the body but the true spirit comes from the intention of the artist behind the form. The spirit of intention is the source of our power and the life force of who we are as beings. The spirit of martial arts comes from the intention of the practitioner not the style or the form. We are all on the same journey through life but the paths we take differ. If we don't walk with the intention toward improvement, then like the proverbial shark that stops swimming, we cease to be. Kung Fu for me is a quest to connect with the divine source of being and we can only make that connection through our quest of self-examination and self-expression.

For over a decade I have studied Fu Jow Pai (Tiger Claw System) and have been involved with the martial arts since the age of 12. In 1996 I enrolled in the Fu Jow Pai system under Master Shue Yiu Kwan and have taken classes with Grand Master Wai Hong. In 2001 I became an instructor at Kwan's Kung Fu. Other systems that I have studied are Tai Chi, Hung Gar, Mizongi, Tae Kwon Do, Judo and Shotokan Karate. Fu Jow Pai (Tiger Claw System) is an ancient and traditional system of martial arts based on the movements of the Tiger. Training includes aerobic activity, strength training, flexibility, improved coordination, practical self-defense, self-discipline, respect, values, and concentration. For me martial arts are as much about self-defense as it is about self-expression. We train our bodies to express ourselves authentically. Bruce Lee once said that "Ultimately, all knowledge is self-knowledge" so we learn martial arts to know ourselves and express who we are. I teach the student not the system and I never teach the same way for each person. Each is an individual and must be taught according to his or her own talents. Teaching Kung Fu has been a rewarding experience and I feel grateful and fortunate to be able to touch other people's lives through the martial arts. My teacher, Master Kwan continues to be a source of strength and inspiration in my life and the greatest honor I could give to him, is pass on what he has taught me. As a Kung Fu instructor, I've been able to bring my program to schools, camps and I've also taught Kung Fu to autistic children and adults. In addition, I'm a member of the Kwan's Kung Fu Lion Dance Team and a fight choreographer for stage and film. What has given me my spiritual center are my meditation teachers Achan Dha and Achan Niphen. They are Buddhist monks from Thailand and teach Vipassana or insight meditation. Buddhist practice has been a constant source of peace in my life. I currently teach in Pleasantville and Tarrytown, NY.

My meditation teacher is a Buddhist monk from Thailand and tonight he gave us a wonderful Dharma talk in the form of a story from his childhood. When he was four years old he dreamed of going to that distant place on the horizon where the land touched the sky. So one day he and a few of his friends decided to do just that. They set off from their village to find this magical place. Through the forest, across farm fields and into wilderness they traveled but the farther they walked, the farther away their destination appeared to be. They couldn’t understand why that place kept moving away while they kept walking toward it. They were frustrated because they kept chasing something they could never reach. The kids soon noticed that they were hopelessly lost and the sun was beginning to go down. My teacher and his friends saw a farmer in the distance and they all ran to him for help. The farmer informed them that they were more than 10 miles away from their village but he could help them get home. A year or two later, like most children his age, my teacher learned in school about geography, astronomy, the planets and the solar system. Through knowledge he gained wisdom about the curvature of the earth and how what he saw was an illusion. From his story I realized what he was trying to tell us, that you can’t always trust what you see and if you want to have wisdom and insight you first must drop your assumptions. Assumptions are the lies we tell ourselves to strengthen our attachment to false beliefs and ideas. Assumptions feed delusion and cause needless suffering. Think of how many times we’ve assumed something only to find out we were completely mistaken. How many times have we imagined how someone will react to a situation or confrontation only to be surprised or disappointed by the reality of the event? True wisdom begins when we drop our assumptions; otherwise insight becomes as illusive as that far off place where the land touches the sky.

I recently had a student who stopped showing up to class. He didn’t want to disappoint me but I could tell that he felt the classes were a bit too challenging and was getting discouraged with his slow progress. I assured him that he wasn’t alone, many students feel that way at the beginning and nobody judges their abilities (I felt that way at the beginning). I realized the challenge wasn’t with the difficulty of the class but with the difficulties within himself. Often in life we are faced with what seems to be overwhelming obstacles. A sense that we have a mountain to climb and we have no idea were to begin or even if we should endeavor to try. Whether it is a martial art class, moving from one place to another, being out of work, a divorce or a death in the family, these difficulties can push us to the point where we feel like the situation is utterly hopeless! The truth is no situation is forever and no situation is truly out of our control. No matter what happens, life goes on and situations are always in a state of flux whether we notice it or not. Sometimes we may have to wait for the right opportunity or meditate on what course to take. We may be in a class that isn’t suited to our bodies or needs but that doesn’t mean we have to give up, just find what does work and commit. The one thing I love about the class I belong to is that there are no judgments. Everyone is at a certain place in there development and they are perfect where they are. You are perfect for where you are in life and you are exactly where you need to be. I know this may not sound satisfying but believe me we all go through this. We all have to start at one place and where we end is just the beginning of something else. And the cycle repeats, again, and again, and again. Each summit reached, reveals yet another mountain to climb. Each problem solved brings about a new one to tackle. This is actually a very positive point of view because when we think we are done, we have new challenges to take on, to move us forward in a new direction. If we feel that we're getting stuck in one place, then there is a lesson there as well. Try a new approach or point of view, (wish they could learn that in Iraq) but it is an old axiom "that when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." The answers to life’s problems don’t exist in a church, monastery, or school of any kind; the answers lay within ourselves and only ourselves. We have no one else to blame and if we give in to blame at all, that too is a mistake. Get away from blame altogether and only search for the resolution. The Buddha said, “Do not believe what your book says. Do not believe what your teachers say. Do not believe what your traditions say. Do not take anything merely because it comes to you with the authority of someone else. Make it a personal experience. Think for your self. Be convinced and once convinced… act.” The ultimate challenge is the one within ourselves, the only situation that is permanent happens after we depart this life. And even then… who knows.

Last spring I was involved in a rather nasty accident. I was struck from behind while stopped at at a stop sign. I suffered from a severe neck sprain, whiplash, and a broken tooth . After a series of doctors, physical therapists and an acupuncturist for the pain I came to the suffering part. The bill, the insurance company only paid for a portion of my medical and dental procedures. At this point I realized that the pain was real and suffering, realized. Meditation has taught me that grand, ultimate awareness is the key. So many of us dull our senses and wander in the dark when we need the light the most. We watch too much television, drink alcohol and take drugs when we need to have ourselves at full attention. I'm not making a judgment on these activities, I myself, love The Sopranos and German beer. But we medicate ourselves with entertaining distractions to avoid the pain. This is making a judgment on pain. There is a Zen saying, "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." In order to release pain we must experience it first. We must observe it and ourselves without judgment and allow ourselves to feel the full range of emotions good or bad. When we suppress our emotions or worse, avoid them, then and only then will they have power over us. By using a non judgmental observation of how we feel, we can experience the emotions so as to release them. Non attachment is the only way to end the suffering so many of us go through. In Buddhism we practice this daily. The Buddha taught that suffering is caused by our attachments to things, thoughts and emotions, good and bad. Our attachments serve us, they allow us to believe certain things that we want to believe in ourselves. They allow us to have judgments on ourselves and the people in our lives, so we are able to feel frustrated by them. But all these attachment are not real, they cloud our reality and keep us in a state of delusion, so we can believe what we want to believe and not deal with reality. Why is reality so scary? Reality is absolute. Things are exactly as they seem and life is just what it is. Nothing is hidden unless we make the choice not to see. Morality is relative but their are universal truths, lying, stealing, killing and harming others or nature are defilement's of our own spirit. Sure you may say you are only hurting yourself but this is a defilement of your life and what of the other people who do care for you? Why not honor their love by honoring yourself every day. How do we achieve this honoring? By honoring our word and by living in the present moment as much as we can. By allowing all our emotions, thoughts and feelings to arise so they can cease. The most important lesson that I have learned is from the Buddha's first sermon to his followers; "All that is subject to arising is subject to ceasing" what has a beginning, has an end. Every bad situation that we find ourselves in has an ending, because it's all temporary and by being aware of how we feel and act in those situations we can transcend them, learn and grow. All that has a beginning has an end. The spirit is the only thing that is deathless. You need not become a Buddhist to use meditation or to believe in the philosophy of the nature of suffering. Many other religions come to the same conclusions through different paths. The techniques and principals are quite secular and follow sound psychological understanding on how the mind works. It was Carl Jung who coined the phrase, "what you resist, persists." In other words, when ever you suppress or avoid an emotion or situation that thing will haunt and control you until it is realized. Once done and brought out into the light it loses all power. Be warned, at the beginning I found that I felt much worse than better. I became angry and was given to quick bouts of depression during this time. The difference was that the spells of bad emotions although very intense were short lived. This was because I was uncovering all the hurt, frustrations and anger I had suppressed for 30 years. I wasn't alone many other practitioners have had similar experiences. It's a clearing of the mind and it's important not to judge these experiences but to just be in them and forgive yourself and others for what ever may come up. We constantly judge, we are judging machines and it may be easy to say that we mustn't, we still judge everything and everyone that comes into our lives. Instead, be aware of when we judge. Observe it so then we can let it go and make choices based on the choice itself and not on considerations from meanings that we make up for ourselves. Judgments are based on pure ego and have nothing to do with reality. They are the consideration created by us, to make us feel better about accepting or rejecting something that is presented in our lives. These judgments aren't real, they're fantasies created in our mind. When we release our judgment we can have opportunity to truly be free to makes choices and not worry about making mistakes. Worrying is also created by ego and has no basis in reality. It's a fantasy about the future and story that is given power so we don't have to responsible about the choices we may have made. Awareness brings us back to the present moment and forces us to deal with what is happening now. Worrying is a distraction from dealing with reality because we know that reality is absolute. Only by being aware can we eventually come to the cessation of that we may suffer from and realize that many of our fears, worries, anger and judgments are creations of ego and don't exist in reality. Reality, just is.